Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Songs That Would've Been Event Records Many Years Ago

You get the point.

1. Nas, 'Fear of The Black Man's Dick.' Has Nas become irrelevant? Kinda feels that way. I actually had high hopes for this song when I read about it in the pre-release buzz. Seemed like an interesting topic to which Nas could bring some solid insights to bear. Guess I should've thought harder about that. The song's in the same incoherent, loopy, sensationalist, half-baked, paranoid, deeply stupid mode as pretty much everything he said on the rest of the album. (Nigger, to me, was the first album where I felt like I was hearing Nas, the high-school dropout who babbles gibberish in most any interview he's ever done because he's always high and usually has no clue what he's talking about, as opposed to Nas, the genius rapper.) The beat does a great job of fitting that vibe, which is to say it sucks. I wish I could say the song's unintentionally funny, at least, but it's not, although if you're intoxicated enough you could probably get a decent laugh out of Nas yelling, "the fear of the black man's PENIS... the fear of the black man's DICK!" I especially liked how he started in telling some confusing story about a white girl who married a black factory-worker and how both blacks and whites looked at her funny (side note: how much have Nas's storytelling skills declined since, say, God's Son?), and for a second you think he's going to get serious and say something about the stigma interracial couples still face in this country, not least from blacks themselves, and then he goes, "so liberal, she screams in ecstasy, because sexually she needs the staff of Jesse Lee." And that's the end of the story. What was the point of that?

2. 50 Cent, 'Shut Ur Bloodclot Mouth' (Prod. By DJ Premier). The collaboration the world was waiting for 6-7 years ago. (If you want to hear a decent approximation of what a good 50/Premo collabo would've sounded like, listen to 'Fuck You.' So Premo-esque it's often listed on bad Premo discographies. I believe it's actually Clark Kent.) Lazy 50, very lazy Premier. I guess there isn't much more to say about it than that, other than that 50's become really, really irrelevant. 5 years ago if he and Premo did a collabo, even one as bad as this, it would've gotten acres of press.

3. Lil Wayne, 'Louisianimal.' This isn't new (although apparently the No DJ version is). Maybe it's just my imagination, but I feel like a few years ago it was a much bigger deal when a 50 dissed Jadakiss or a Cam dissed Jay... now, Wayne says something about 50, who cares. Which is as it should be, because practically every beef post-Nas/Jay has sucked. Here, Wayne recycles an old Jay line about 50 (Jay said "I'm about a dollar, what the fuck is 50 cent," Wayne says "all about a dollar, fuck two quarters") and generally bears out the hypothesis that Wayne is too nice a guy and too unfocused and free associative to really diss anybody well. When he says "fuck two quarters," there's no animus or anger there, it's just another throwaway bar in his ramble. I did, for some reason, enjoy this (0:57-1:05):

Teardrops in my face like it's my party
And if it's my party, I can cry if I want to
Split your fucking body up in half if I want to

Something about the fussy way he pronounces 'to.'

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