Thursday, August 13, 2009

My Favorite Blog Comment (That I've Made)

Think, Jayceon, think hard.

[About a year ago, Jeff Weiss, who normally has decent taste, wrote a piece about what an amazing song Game's 'My Life' was, wildly praising it for its "triumphalist attitude." Of course, "My Life" is really awful warmed-over 'Hate It Or Love It' gruel with no great 50 verse, made marginally interesting because in it we learn that Biggie, Kanye, and Game himself are all equivalent to or reincarnations of Jesus. (This is really just Game's subtle way, by virtue of the transitive property, of claiming that he's Biggie's equal without raising listeners' hackles and getting himself committed.) I chalked it up to regional parochialism - you know, just as I used to defend Ness because he was from Philly, Jeff Weiss defends Game because he's from LA. (Ness is a way better rapper than Game though.) Nevertheless, I wrote an epic comment about how retarded Game's 'My Life' was, and am reproducing it today for no particular reason at all. (Actually, I was reminded of Game when the foreign policy blogosphere started talking about Game's Jay dissing in terms of f.p. strategy and all parties in the discussion bizarrely seemed to believe that Game and Jay both are/still are great rappers.) Speaking of raps called 'My Life,' Styles had a pretty great one on his first album, if you can suffer through Pharoahe Monch's singing voice. Styles really has to be the most underrated and consistent rapper of the decade. Particularly if you ignore his crappy albums, which I don't usually do but do hypocritically in the case of Styles because he's not from da souf. And not so hypocritically because, unlike a Wayne or whomever, Styles has never been given a proper album budget and missed the boat on the golden days of mid-90s beats, which suit him best. Anyway, back to Game's 'My Life.' One thing my comment alludes to but doesn't quite make plain is that when Game decided he didn't want to say anything nasty about Eminem and pulled the lines name-dropping Eminem and Proof from the song, he replaced them with lines name-dropping Erick Sermon and Jesse Jackson. Which just kills me. It's as if he has a quota of famous people he has to mention in each verse.]

Okay, nice triumphalist attitude, but he namedrops twenty rappers in the first ten seconds of the song! I mean, what is it about this guy that he can’t talk about himself without relating his experiences to those of dead performing artists? Seriously, let’s break this nonsense down. He starts out like so:

“Take me away from the hood in the casket or a Bentley
Take me away
Like I overdosed on cocaine”

Car Brand Namedrop No. 1.

“Take me away like a bullet from Kurt Cobain
Suicide (suicide, suicide)”

Oh no - is someone having “Suicidal Thoughts”? Don’t worry, Game will go there shortly…

“I’m from a Windy City, like Do or Die”

Apparently Game has so little to say that he fills up his bars with namedrops of obscure midwestern rap groups that confuse the listener into thinking he’s from Chicago. Fortunately anyone who’s ever listened to another one of his songs knows he’s from COMPTON, COMPTON, COMPTON. Home of Cube, Yella, Eazy, Dre, Ren, The Arabian Prince, and street knowledge.

“From a block close to where Biggie was crucified”

But just in case this is your first experience with Game’s smooth lyrical stylings, he clears that up - by mentioning another dead performing artist! You’d think the Guinness Book of World Records was giving out awards for most dead rappers mentioned in one song or something.

“That was Brooklyn’s Jesus
Shot for no fuckin’ reason”

As long as we’re talking about Biggie, let’s talk about him! Doesn’t matter that he’s not what the fucking song is supposed to be about.

“And you wonder why Kanye wears Jesus pieces?”

Huh? You lost me. Is this some kind of word association game? Is Game undergoing Freudian analysis?

“Cause that’s Jesus, people
And The Game, he’s the equal”

We come full circle!

“Hated on so much, The Passion of Christ need a sequel”

Biggie = Jesus = Kanye = Jesus = Game = Jesus.

“Yeah, like Roc-a-fella needed Sigel”

Just like that! Wait…

what is like that? Oh…

the movie needs a sequel like Roc-A-Fella needed Sigel. So clever, and it rhymes!

“Like I needed my father, but he needed a needle
I need some meditation, so I can leave my people”

Does “my father” count as a namedrop? And in case you’ve lost track:

Passion Of Christ needing a sequel

is like

Roc-A-Fella needing Sigel

which is “like”

Game needing his father (who needed a needle)

but not so much like

Game needing meditation (???) so he can leave his people. Game: Miley Cyrus’s SAT prep teacher in his spare time.

“They askin’ “Why?” Why did John Lennon leave The Beatles?
And why every hood nigga feed off evil?”

Game really wanted to mention Jadakiss here, but that wouldn’t have helped his pursuit of the Record For Most Dead Musicians Mentioned in One Rap Song, and John Lennon is dead, so…

“Answer my question before this bullet leave this Desert Eagle”

Game will gun you down if you’re not up on your Beatles trivia.

[Wayne warbling into autotune while Game leafs through ego trip’s book of rap lists in search of list of dead rappers]

“We are not the same, I am a Martian”

From namedropping dead rappers, we pivot to allusions to bad songs, for 500 please.

“So approach my Phantom doors with caution”

Car Brand Namedrop No. 2.

“You see them 24’s spinnin’? I earned them
And all the pictures of me and Em, I burned them”

Logical progression of thought.

“So there ain’t no proof that I ever walked through 8 Mile
And since there ain’t no Proof, I never walked through 8 Mile”

Pivots back to dead rappers.

“Sometimes I think about my life with my face down”

Then he goes back to writing cards for Hallmark.

“Then I see my sons and put on that Kanye smile
Damn, I know his momma’s proud
And since you helped me sell my “Dream,” we can share my momma now”

Pivots back to allusions to bad songs. [On a serious note, only Game is so committed to name-dropping that he discusses sharing his momma with a random momma-less producer. Did Kanye even do this beat? If not, why is the whole song about him?]

“And like MJB, ‘No More Drama’ now”

Game would’ve worked in a reference to Dre-produced Family Affair instead, but that would violate the terms of the comprehensive restraining order Dre filed against him in COMPTON COMPTON COMPTON municipal court.

“Livin’ the good life, me and Common on common ground”

At first I thought Game had gotten Common confused with T-Pain (they both wear hats in their videos, albeit T-Pain’s are more of the Dr. Seuss variety), but then I remembered that seminal T.I./Common collabo. (Totally Forgettable Song Namedrop No. 4. All coming in 20 seconds.) Game’s like an elephant - he never forgets - and like Noreaga, he carries bodies in his trunk.

“I spit crack and niggas could drive it outta town
Gotta Chris Paul mind state, I’m never outta bounds”

Chris Paul is neither dead, nor a rapper - as DMX once asked Cam, what’s really good?

“My life used to be empty like a glock without a round
Now my life full, like a chopper with a thousand rounds (Gunshots)”

The (Gunshots) represent the fullness of Game’s life.

[Wayne warbles some more as Game weighs in on SOHH as to who’s better - Jay-Z or Nas.]

“Walk through the gates of Hell, see my Impala parked in front”

Car Brand Namedrop No. 3.

“The high beams on, me and the Devil share chronic blunts
Listening to the “Chronic” album, playing backwards
Shootin’ at pictures of Don Imus for target practice”

blah blah blah.

“My mind f**ked up, so I cover it with a Raider hood”

That way, we won’t be able to see into his mind with our x-ray vision and perceive its fucked-up-ness. (Headwear Namedrop No. 1.)

“I’m from the city that made you motherf**kers afraid of Suge (Compton… Compton…)”

A) You already told us where you’re from. Remember, where Biggie got crucified? A windy city?


C) The city made us afraid of Suge? I thought it was his menacing demeanor.

“Made my grandmother pray for good
And never made her happy, when I bet that new Mercedes could”

Car Brand Namedrop No. 4, Psychotic Non Sequitur No. 89423.

“Ain’t no bars, but niggas can’t escape the hood
They took so many of my niggas, that I should hate the hood
But it’s real niggas like me, that make the hood”

A little Juelz Santana circa 2003 flow for you.

“Ridin’ slow in that Phantom just the way I should
With the top back
In my Sox hat”

Car Brand No. 5, Headwear Namedrop No. 2.

“I’m paid in full, the nigga Alpo couldn’t stop that”

Couldn’t forget the cinema.

“Even if they brought the nigga ‘Pac back
I’d still keep this motherf**ker cocked back”

And you thought he’d go a whole song without mentioning Pac! Shame on you!

[Young Wayne On Them Hoes, AKA Mr. Make It Rain On Them Hoes wa-a-a-a-a-arbles some more while Game reads over restraining order from Dre, and, upon discovering said order forbids him from name-dropping not only Dre, but anyone on the Aftermath record label, records new version namedropping Erick Sermon and Jesse Jackson instead.]


Passion of the Weiss said...

That really was the best comment that you've ever made.

I still like that song though.

ian said...

Solid analysis but I agree with Jeff - the song is stil great!

tray said...

I don't get how one can like the song when the lyrics are this bizarre game where The Game chases his name-dropping tail. Not into the primacy of lyrics and shit, but if you can't write, just say nothing, don't try to be all clever. Many a Southern rapper does this to great effect. I mean, aside from the hook does anything Game says at all bear on the ostensible theme of the song? The entire thing is like, I am like Biggie, or grew up in a neighborhood where he got shot, and Biggie's like Jesus, and so is Kanye, and so am I, we're all like Jesus, and shit is like the Roc needing Beanie Sigel, except the Roc never "needed" Beanie Sigel, but okay, whatever, I was running out of stuff in the history of the world that was ever "needed" by people and had to throw him out there. Like what the fuck? Is this we are the world, the Jesus mix? Of course, Game has actually already remixed 'We Are The World,' it's called One Blood, the 25-rapper Junior Reid gangbang.