Thursday, February 4, 2010

I Have Lost All Respect For Alicia Keys/A Mildly Funny Story

Too disturbing.

Well first the mildly funny story. I was sitting here doing some work for the family business when a very large, openly poorish African-American classmate started talking to me, hoping to learn what the reading for today's class said. I, being reasonably polite, did not run in fear of the obese girl and at some point asked her where she was from. To which she replied Huntsville, Alabama. I said that I listened to some rappers from Huntsville. She said there were no rappers from Huntsville. I said they were called the Paper Route Gangstaz, G-Side, and several other things. She said I was making them up. I said that I'd been told that they had a few regional hits in Alabama. She said this was not so. I said I guessed they were probably just a hipster thing. Then when I googled them to prove their existence, I noticed that all the hits were New York Magazine, The Fader, Pitchfork, and other similar outlets. So the next time you feel like making some argument about how the industry and the radio won't give the authentic people's music a chance, consider that, judging by this purely anecdotal evidence, the authentic people from Huntsville itself have never even heard of these authentic folk.

As for Alicia, I read that she is thinking of marrying Swizz Beatz. Obviously her music has taken a huge turn for the worse in recent years, but I never saw her marrying one of the lamest people in the industry. I could certainly see Beyonce marrying Swizz if he were a bigger deal, I could see Christina Milian doing it because dating powerful producers is what washed-up singers do, I could see Keri Hilson doing it because she strikes me as a careerist robot. But Alicia? It really devalues songs like 'You Don't Know My Name' to learn that Swizzy is Alicia's idea of a suitable lifelong love interest. Even musically, how can she stand to be in a relationship with this guy? It'd be like the director of The Hurt Locker being married to the director of Avatar. Oh wait, that actually happened. Of course, Swizz was not always a terrible producer. In fact he was once a very good, if limited one. Maybe the best thing Jada ever did is 'All For The Love,' which Swizz sold to Bad Boy at the tender age of 20. It's an unusually reflective track for a guy of his age.

1 comment:

MF said...

I think the only song from the Huntsville camp which has had any impact outside the 'net is Fresh by 6 Tre G, which contains the worst rapping about clothing that I've ever heard.

Boosie's verse on the remix is how attire themed rapping should be done.